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Here Are The Shoes I Never Wear


Back in the 80s, when all the cool 4th graders at Thornydale Elementary in Tucson wore plaid button-up blouses with puffy sleeves tucked into Jordache jeans, a monogrammed comb in their back pocket for instant hair feathering possibilities, I played hopscotch on the playground in a pink lace dress and black mary janes. I liked my dresses and girlie shoes and didn’t care if that meant I could never hang with the popular girls. The popular girls were mainly horse-loving bossy creatures anyway. Why would I be interested?

But my girlie threads didn’t hold me back: I could climb trees like nobody’s business and was a master horny toad catcher—and yes, those suckers do squirt blood out of their eyes, but only the adults, not the babies. I’m pretty sure I was wearing my blue silk Gunne Sax with faux pearls at the collar when I went to at an all-boys birthday party sleepover. My genteel exterior didn’t stop me from beating the boys at arm wrestling and that game where you kick the back of their knees to make them fall down—I’m not sure what that game is called, but probably it’s name is “being a boy.” I was a year older and a head taller, so I definitely had the advantage, but still.

Anyway, when I grew up I had a hippie phase, a punk goth phase and a very short-lived sporty phase, but mostly I’ve kept with the dresses, the mary janes morphing into ballet flats and, when I can get away with it, high heels. I inherited my mother’s bunions and high heels aren’t exactly designed for comfort, but I still have many thrifted beauties in my collection I will never get rid of, but probably also never wear. Here’s video where I present the gems in my never-worn collection.*

By the way, these are the shoes I do actually wear, almost every day.


Handmade Mexican cowboy boots I picked up at Community Thrift on Valencia for 20 bucks, which make them a thrifting “splurge,” but well worth it. Love these babies!


*I always make these videos on a lark, and so I always end up saying a few weird things (what, me??), but usually I don’t really care when I notice later. But it actually has been bothering me a little that I describe myself at some point in the video as being “hyper-feminine.” After a google search or two, I’m even a little confused about the term. Does is mean the neutral “very feminine”, which I meant, or does it mean “conforming to stereotypical female gender roles?” The Internet can’t seem to agree.

Either way, if someone watches the video to the end and actually pays attention to what I say, neither of which are all that likely, they might think it very strange that I call myself “hyper feminine as in very feminine” if they come from a culture where your average woman practically goes jogging in high heels, complete with full make-up and long, frosted blonde tresses. But I live in Berlin, where most (German) women choose comfort over fashion and rarely, if ever, wear any make-up. Compared to most women my age here, I’m practically Zsa Zsa Gabor. When I tell them I like to wear heels, they often look at me like I’ve just told them I like lacing my drinking water with miniscule amounts of cyanide just so I can live on the edge.  😉

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